For the first year or two of motherhood, I felt like I’d lost myself completely.
So much profound change in such a short period of time is dis-balancing – everything shifts and before you find your footing, it shifts again – such is life with small children. All phases, each feeling like it will last forever but in a blink, it passes.
Though I adored being a mum and doted over my beautiful daughter and all of the new experiences we shared, there was a part of me that missed the life in my memories; the freedom and spontaneity, clothes that fitted predictably and didn’t have to allow for easy public breastfeeding or conceal any number of stains.
It wasn’t the version of #mumlife I had been expecting – not the one I’d seen on the box – my body hadn’t bounced back and my baby didn’t sleep. It was overwhelming, and each day was a step into the unknown
There were bouts of depression and anxiety, days and sleepless nights which felt like they would never end, traumas and tantrums, life dramas and changing phases, but we got through it all, even when we felt like we couldn’t.
After a while that feeling of being lost faded, and became a call from within as my family and tiny children grew. I wanted to be happy, to be strong and a good role model for my girls.
The challenges of motherhood made me face many of my deepest fears, and when I realised that it was a catalyst for inner transformation, I stopped resisting and embraced my own growth.
That is the most beautiful gift of it all, pure opportunity to heal those parts of self which are still hurting.
I saw for the first time ever, how facing these issues was not only
It wasn’t about being perfect, but being real, and I gradually stopped trying to match my life to the preconceptions which had been shaping it. I let go of people and situations which made me feel
Motherhood wasn’t a burden – I hadn’t lost myself to it – better yet I rediscovered parts of myself I’d long forgotten and through helping my children grow, I grew too.
As they learned to dance my partner and I shared the songs from our childhood and danced with them, as they learned to read we shared the books that our parents had once read to us. And with each rediscovery, I became a happier, more integrated version of myself. I didn’t just go back to the person I was before I had children; who I became was so much richer in character due to the wisdom I had gained from the tiny humans I helped to create.
I made them, but in truth, they were the making of me.
Becoming a Mother is an immense privilege, but it’s also the deepest journey to the core of our inner self. Like anything, there is the shadow to accompany the light, but realising that potential for growth changed everything for me. And I see it in so many of my dear ones too, women whom it is an honour to know and be counted amongst.
It doesn’t matter whether you are a mother, a grandmother, a sister, aunt or anyone else for that matter, each day spent with children is an opportunity to learn as much as it is to teach. They will be inspired by you and reflect your strength, your honesty and your realness when you offer it. So do it as often as you can; embrace who you are, share with them the things you love and be the person you always wanted to be.
Take each moment as it comes
Wake each day with an open heart.
If it all goes to shit, hit the reset switch and start again, because that is totally a thing and we all lose it every now and again. Leave the shit storm behind you and do something that makes you smile. Sing way too loud to a song you have loved forever, do a crazy dance, let the kids watch you, and see how they learn to handle their shit too.
No matter how bad the day is, tomorrow is a new one, and you Mama have the superpower to make it awesome, just by being you.
I hope you read this today and realise just how beautiful your story is, and how it has the power to enrich the lives of all those around you. Raising tiny humans is never easy
Happy Mother’s Day ♡